Observations

Isn't it sad when people don't notice things that could brighten up their day?

I was temping in Central London one summer and worked with a woman who had never noticed that the London Centre of Tricology was on Wigmore Street even though she'd walked past it everyday for the last 14 years.

I spotted it on my first day there and remarked that maybe the street should be renamed Wig-no-more Street but she didn't laugh, or even titter.

Walking down the street the other day I saw a white chihuahua sitting up on the front seat a moving car. On closer inspection I saw that it wasn't a chihuahua, it was a white cat, sitting up looking around without a care in the world. I was in a foul mood but that made me smile. Sometimes we need these things to remind us that the world we live in isn't mundane and dull, it's a fricking mad house.

One of the cleaners where I work was talking to me yesterday and mentioned that his next door neighbour had worked for the military doing something secret to do with bomb testing. I also work at other sites and recently received a lecture from a security man telling me that I mustn't repeat anything I heard or saw on their site. If I did then I would get done under the official secrets act. Apparently the company made flight simulators and weapons guidance systems for the military. How exciting does that sound?
I didn't see anything exciting though, I just sat on in a windowless gym and watched fat men sweating all over the cross trainers all day.
Initially I found the situation depressing, but when I think about it I have to laugh. There was me, sitting and feeling sorry for myself in a boring gym and next door there were people working on top secret military projects. It through into sharp relief the feeling I have always had that there was something exciting and possibly wonderful that existed along side the dull and mundane that dominated most of our lives.
This makes me feel that even though I'm a cynic to the bone and share a beer, cider or glass of wine with Despair most nights, nothing can extinguish the pilot light of hope that there is an exciting life out there and one day I'll find it.

Just stop licking pigeons

Sorry, last blog was a bit crap.
Don't you love it when people repeat crap they hear without thinking about it?
I used to share a house with a man who was a master of this. Once we were discussing London pigeons and he said that he hated them.
I have nothing against pigeons.
He said they were bad because they carried diseases.
Now, I don't know about you, but I certainly don't know anyone, or know anyone who knows anyone or have even heard an urban legend about anyone who has caught a disease from a pigeon.
What would you have to do to catch a disease from a pigeon? Eat it? Kiss it? Lick it?
I just thought I'd share that little nugget of nonsense.

Conspiracy Theory

Is anyone else sick of hearing the words, "Well, at least you have job". I am, big time.
It makes me wonder if this whole credit crunch thing is just a nasty ploy to make us all grateful for our crap little jobs and miserable little lives.
Sorry, I just have to go and get despair another beer, he's in for the long haul. He drinks Stella, by the way, and smokes rollies.
There, he's happy now, all sprawled out on the sofa.
Isn't it incredible how happy people are when they don't have to go to work? Do you remember that Monday when everyone in the south east of England was snowed in and couldn't get to work? It was like Christmas down here in Brighton. No, better than Christmas, it was like Pride or some other street festival.
At 7.30 in the morning there were adults out playing in the snow and taking pictures. The atmosphere was nothing short of glorious. So many people were smiling and laughing. There were dogs jumping around in the snow and full grown men making snow men.
It's rubbish that work brings people down so badly. It's a fact that we work the longest hours in Europe and what a miserable bloody bunch we are.
Is it a coincidence that this credit crunch seems to have hit America, Japan, Germany and the UK harder than anyone else? All the scarily hard working countries in other words. I'm sure placing like Spain and France are suffering too but it seems strange that these countries get along perfectly well taking it easy and we find it necessary to work silly hours and make ourselves miserable.
Does this sound like a conspiracy to anyone else? The only thing I can't figure out is who exactly benefits from all this because the rich buggers don't seem very happy either.

Insights into the character of Despair

It has just occurred to me, as that heart sinking sensation of despair tries to creep over me, that if despair was a person, as it was personified by Spenser in the Faerie Queene, it would be a cheeky cockney guy. He'd knock at your door and say "Hey mate, let me in, will ya? Come on, you know we're mates, let me in and we'll talk about this business idea you've got."
You know that if you let him in then you're buggered, you'll never get rid of him. He'll banish every whiff of hope for the future.
Hope, on the other hand, is a geeky little girl with glasses and ankle socks and she will be saying "Don't listen to him, don't let him in, things will be fine. You're not asking for much, you're not trying to be Alan Sugar, just trust in me and everything will be great."
Nice, right? But Del Boy Despair isn't going to let that go, he'll come chiming in with, "Nah, you don't believe that. How many times have you listened to that silly cow in the past? And what's happened? She's let you down and you've flung the door wide open and let me in. We've hung out and had a good time right? You love wallowing with me when Nerdy Hope lets you down."
Hope says, "Yes, but things will be different this time. Honestly." She's sounding a bit desperate now though.
Despair says, "Come on, let me in, you know I'm right. You just want to lie down with me at your side and wallow. You know these things never work out, don't even bother trying. Why do that to yourself? If you quit now and let me in it'll be a lot better than waiting til later when everything's gone Pete Tong."
Hope has one last shot, but she's sounding ragged and tired now, "No, you have to listen to me. Don't give up, don't give in. Just trust in me and everything will be fine."
Despair is swaggering around out there now, he knows he's going to be let in very soon. "Have I ever let you down? Where's that bitch when everything falls apart? Legged it, that's where. I'm always here for you though, just let me in now and let's have a good old wallow. Yeah, that's what you want."
Now, just at this point, where I'm seriously considering letting despair in, my Internet radio station decides to play that Morrissey song that goes "I was looking for a job and now I've found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now".
Thanks for that Last.FM.
Come in, Despair, I'll put the kettle on.