Yes, that's right folks, I'm getting cynical about love. It's a sad day when this happens, but I think it happens to us all eventually.
Love is not a entity which knocks on your door like Despair. Love stands aloof and distant in a crowd. It has one of those faces which looks gorgeous from a distance. Huge eyes, sharp features and a sleek sinewy body. But when you get up close you realise that those eyes are a little too big and there is something unsettling about its beauty.
It moves like that ninja cat on youtube, getting closer when you turn your back or even blink. Before you realise what's happened it's pounced and rational thought has left the building.
There's this whole thing about how you're meant to trust the one you love. How can you trust someone when you can't think straight?
Once Love is in town it brings paranoid in its train and a crippling fear that something is going to go wrong. Yeah, of course there's all those warm fuzzy feelings following along with Love.
An evening in with Love goes something like this:
Remember that Love follows you around. Once it's got you it doesn't pop in and out like Hope and Despair.
Love sits quietly on the settee while you watch Doctor Who, it nurses the same glass of beer throughout the whole episode. It's quiet and undemanding. Just sitting quietly with its overly big eyes and elegant physique.
Once the show is over though, it starts to get a bit more chatty.
It subtly suggests ways in which the person you love might not want to be with you anymore.
It's easy to ignore though because its voice is soft and face beautiful but its persistent. It plays on your mind until its following you round the house shouting in your ear about how you're going to be traded in for a younger better specimen. Eventually a touch of rationality creeps back in and batters Love back for a while.
Then, when it's dark and you're all alone in your little bed Love creeps in next to you and starts laying out intricate scenarios about how your own love might die and how you'd feel about it.
It's only when the person you love is around that Love stands there with a little genuinely happy smile on its face and gives you a nice warm hug.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Thursday, 20 August 2009
To Feel or Not to Feel
For Nicky and Darren
Here's a question I recently discussed with a boy I know. A beautiful boy, I might add.
Is it better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years and it hurt. It hurt lots. When I thought about the relationship in retrospect I realised that it generally hurt quite a bit and often but I don't regret a minute of it. I don't regret it because it's these painful experiences that make life real. I know people say they're character building and all that shit, but I don't really know about that. All I know is that these things we feel are real. They aren't informed by society or the media, they're our real reactions to a situation or person.
According to some theorist dude called Fredrick Jameson, we are suffering from media saturation to the point where everything we see and hear is perceived through a media filter. For example the type of people we find attractive are often the people that the media tells us are attractive by putting in these fanciable roles in films and stuff.
At least when we feel pain we know it's real and it's not what we think we aught to feel because of some subliminal pressure to feel a certain way. Another example of this is the way people get all sentimental over things, like babies or views of fields and cows. Do these things really mean anything to us? They may to some people but they certainly don't to me and I get called a misery or a cynic because I don't go all gooey over these things. I can't help it if they mean nothing to me and I'm not brainwashed enough to think I feel something.
The bottom line of this argument I had with this beautiful boy was whether it is worth allowing yourself to feel something even if it results in pain.
I say it is because feeling nothing is the pits.
Sure, if you don't allow youself to feel something profound for a person you won't get your heart broken but what's the bloody point of being alive if you don't allow yourself to feel?
Here's a question I recently discussed with a boy I know. A beautiful boy, I might add.
Is it better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years and it hurt. It hurt lots. When I thought about the relationship in retrospect I realised that it generally hurt quite a bit and often but I don't regret a minute of it. I don't regret it because it's these painful experiences that make life real. I know people say they're character building and all that shit, but I don't really know about that. All I know is that these things we feel are real. They aren't informed by society or the media, they're our real reactions to a situation or person.
According to some theorist dude called Fredrick Jameson, we are suffering from media saturation to the point where everything we see and hear is perceived through a media filter. For example the type of people we find attractive are often the people that the media tells us are attractive by putting in these fanciable roles in films and stuff.
At least when we feel pain we know it's real and it's not what we think we aught to feel because of some subliminal pressure to feel a certain way. Another example of this is the way people get all sentimental over things, like babies or views of fields and cows. Do these things really mean anything to us? They may to some people but they certainly don't to me and I get called a misery or a cynic because I don't go all gooey over these things. I can't help it if they mean nothing to me and I'm not brainwashed enough to think I feel something.
The bottom line of this argument I had with this beautiful boy was whether it is worth allowing yourself to feel something even if it results in pain.
I say it is because feeling nothing is the pits.
Sure, if you don't allow youself to feel something profound for a person you won't get your heart broken but what's the bloody point of being alive if you don't allow yourself to feel?
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