Just stop licking pigeons

Sorry, last blog was a bit crap.
Don't you love it when people repeat crap they hear without thinking about it?
I used to share a house with a man who was a master of this. Once we were discussing London pigeons and he said that he hated them.
I have nothing against pigeons.
He said they were bad because they carried diseases.
Now, I don't know about you, but I certainly don't know anyone, or know anyone who knows anyone or have even heard an urban legend about anyone who has caught a disease from a pigeon.
What would you have to do to catch a disease from a pigeon? Eat it? Kiss it? Lick it?
I just thought I'd share that little nugget of nonsense.

Conspiracy Theory

Is anyone else sick of hearing the words, "Well, at least you have job". I am, big time.
It makes me wonder if this whole credit crunch thing is just a nasty ploy to make us all grateful for our crap little jobs and miserable little lives.
Sorry, I just have to go and get despair another beer, he's in for the long haul. He drinks Stella, by the way, and smokes rollies.
There, he's happy now, all sprawled out on the sofa.
Isn't it incredible how happy people are when they don't have to go to work? Do you remember that Monday when everyone in the south east of England was snowed in and couldn't get to work? It was like Christmas down here in Brighton. No, better than Christmas, it was like Pride or some other street festival.
At 7.30 in the morning there were adults out playing in the snow and taking pictures. The atmosphere was nothing short of glorious. So many people were smiling and laughing. There were dogs jumping around in the snow and full grown men making snow men.
It's rubbish that work brings people down so badly. It's a fact that we work the longest hours in Europe and what a miserable bloody bunch we are.
Is it a coincidence that this credit crunch seems to have hit America, Japan, Germany and the UK harder than anyone else? All the scarily hard working countries in other words. I'm sure placing like Spain and France are suffering too but it seems strange that these countries get along perfectly well taking it easy and we find it necessary to work silly hours and make ourselves miserable.
Does this sound like a conspiracy to anyone else? The only thing I can't figure out is who exactly benefits from all this because the rich buggers don't seem very happy either.

Insights into the character of Despair

It has just occurred to me, as that heart sinking sensation of despair tries to creep over me, that if despair was a person, as it was personified by Spenser in the Faerie Queene, it would be a cheeky cockney guy. He'd knock at your door and say "Hey mate, let me in, will ya? Come on, you know we're mates, let me in and we'll talk about this business idea you've got."
You know that if you let him in then you're buggered, you'll never get rid of him. He'll banish every whiff of hope for the future.
Hope, on the other hand, is a geeky little girl with glasses and ankle socks and she will be saying "Don't listen to him, don't let him in, things will be fine. You're not asking for much, you're not trying to be Alan Sugar, just trust in me and everything will be great."
Nice, right? But Del Boy Despair isn't going to let that go, he'll come chiming in with, "Nah, you don't believe that. How many times have you listened to that silly cow in the past? And what's happened? She's let you down and you've flung the door wide open and let me in. We've hung out and had a good time right? You love wallowing with me when Nerdy Hope lets you down."
Hope says, "Yes, but things will be different this time. Honestly." She's sounding a bit desperate now though.
Despair says, "Come on, let me in, you know I'm right. You just want to lie down with me at your side and wallow. You know these things never work out, don't even bother trying. Why do that to yourself? If you quit now and let me in it'll be a lot better than waiting til later when everything's gone Pete Tong."
Hope has one last shot, but she's sounding ragged and tired now, "No, you have to listen to me. Don't give up, don't give in. Just trust in me and everything will be fine."
Despair is swaggering around out there now, he knows he's going to be let in very soon. "Have I ever let you down? Where's that bitch when everything falls apart? Legged it, that's where. I'm always here for you though, just let me in now and let's have a good old wallow. Yeah, that's what you want."
Now, just at this point, where I'm seriously considering letting despair in, my Internet radio station decides to play that Morrissey song that goes "I was looking for a job and now I've found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now".
Thanks for that Last.FM.
Come in, Despair, I'll put the kettle on.